Day 33

Awake so late that it’s early,

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So I’m binge watching a show on Netflix and look over to realize that my husband is asleep in bed and the dog has stretched his 30 pound self across my spot. It’s weird because I used to always be in be first.

Always.

But now, I’m the last to fall asleep. I think because I have nothing to really make me tired during the day. I mean, I used to teach. Which has to be one of the hardest careers for an introvert. I would be exhausted at the end of the day. The Friday after my first full week teaching I fell asleep at 6 o’clock. In a restaurant. I would get up at 4:30 to get to work by 6, because I couldn’t work after class; I was too exhausted after spending time with children all day. So I’d crash by 8.

Then after that I worked for a private company and if I didn’t get to work early I wouldn’t have a place to sit. And then I worked in IT and IT training. I had over an hour commute so I’d wake early to beat traffic, and just like teaching, I’d need hours to myself in the morning to get work done.

But now, I’ve no reason for early mornings and getting to work before the sun is up. So, no reason to be in bed early. And the great question I’m trying to figure out now is why… I mean the big why. I’m not an idiot, I know the reason is because I don’t have a career. But, as someone who believes that there is a reason for everything. I’m sitting here, awake so late that it’s early, trying to understand the reason behind my continuing job hunt.

What am I supposed to be learning here? That I truly am a night owl? That getting to work before everyone else doesn’t make me better than everyone else? How to listen to what I want?

meh… maybe I’ll figure it out in the morning.

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