Day 7

An odd motivation; built on fake conversations with people who don’t exist.

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A week in – and I haven’t run out of things to write about yet! Though, I don’t think my mom would be surprised by this fact, seeing as how she’s listened to me talk for over two and a half decades.

In fact, when I was a kid I’d wait for her to get home from work and follow her upstairs – I’d sit on her shoe-putting-on-place, (which was a bench at the end of her bed) and tell her about my whole day. Every. Single. Detail. The poor woman probably wanted five minutes to herself and instead had to listen to me. It was really one of the best parts of every day, and when I moved out we continued the tradition with a phone call on the way home from work.

I hope I can do that for my kid one day. I’ve actually spent a weird amount of time thinking about what I can build for the kids that I’m not sure I’ll ever have.

The thought of having to tell my kids about it was the driving force behind a lot of my decisions. I know it is such an odd motivation; built on fake conversations with people who don’t exist, but it’s true.

I didn’t drink in High School, because I have control issues, and I want to be able to tell my kids I didn’t. In middle school I remember kids “dating” and thinking I can’t date at 12! We can’t even go anywhere, besides, what would I tell my daughter.  I actually thought that, I can find the journal I wrote it in too.

Now, I’m nowhere near intentionally having children: my husband just started a 7 year-long PhD program, we live in a state without any family, and I don’t have a career. Plus, I really like me right now, and I couldn’t give a kid the attention it needs. Seriously, until I met my husband I didn’t even think I wanted children. And now seeing my friends raise amazing babies and being fabulous parents I definitely know I’m not ready for that shit. But, I’m in my late twenties now and married, so the ‘pressure’ is on. Lots of people asking when we’re going to have kids. Sitting us down and saying “kids are a young person’s game.”

Good thing I don’t really care what people think I should do with my uterus. I guess now is about figuring out what I think I should do with it.

 

 

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